The Hill of Doom!
by JustPlainToni
Summary: It's as easy as riding a bike, or so Zim thought as he was challenged by Dib to race down a scary hill to prove that he is normal.


Author Note: This is what happens when you have too much left over candy from Halloween! Enjoy! Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim. It was created by Jhonen Vasquez with some help from Nickelodeon Studios and Viacom.

* * *

The Hill of DOOM!

Today was yet another boring day of skool. The birds were chirping an infuriating ruckus beyond the trees and the humans were being as stupid as usual Zim thought as he walked to skool this morning. When he was about to enter the playground, Melvin, who was on his bike, wasn't paying much attention to what he was doing, accidentally ran over Zim's foot.

"OWwwwwwwwww! Stinkin' Human! You dare run Zim over with your inferior ummmm..." Zim paused during his threat trying to figure out what was that thing that ran over his foot. "Metal Pony!"

"Metal pony?" Melvin questioned his statement.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Dib laughed as he entered the school yard overhearing Zim's expression. "Don't tell me you never saw a bike before, Zim!"

"A bike?" Zim said walking up to Melvin's bike. He stared at it wondering what use this bike had.

"Dude, you never seen a bike?" Melvin asked Zim. Every other student in their class got off their bikes and stared at Zim curiously.

"Uhhhh...YEs of course. Any normal human boy would know what a bike looks like and what's it for!" Zim assured his classmates. Dib was not convinced.

"Oh, really Zim, then tell us what it's for?" Dib said awaiting an answer.

"Ohhhh, uummmm, it's for..." Zim said looking at Melvin's bike for clues. He saw Melvin's bike had a bell on it. "Scaring away the cow people from blocking the roads!"

Everyone that heard Zim's response whispered to themselves.

"Zim doesn't know what a bike is?"

"That's weird..."

"He's weird..."

"He also smells too..."

"That's not normal..."

Dib took advantage of this moment to reason with his classmates. "Don't you see? Zim is an alien! Any ordinary human kid would know what a bike is let alone know how to ride one!"Dib ranted to his classmates.

"Now that you mention it, yeah." Zita said. "Zim, you're not normal!"

"BUT I am Normal! Zim is Normal! I just well...haven't seen one in a while."

"There are bikes all over the place, how would you not see one!" One kid screamed to Zim. Zim looked around the school yard and saw that they were indeed bikes all over the place. They were even on the roof and in the water fountain.

"Silence! I just never noticed them around! But I can sure 'ride' a bike like any other worm-baby before!"

"Ha!" Dib digress. "If you never knew what a bike is before how would you ride one?"

"Well...I do know what a bike is Dib! And I sure can ride one!"

"Oh, yeah. Prove it!" Dib said offering Zim Melvin's bike to ride it. Zim looked at the bike and then at his classmates who were off their bikes. He didn't know how to get on the bike.

"What's a matter, Zim?" Dib mocked him. "Surely you know how to get on a bike."

"Of course I do," Zim said buying some time to not embarrass himself. "I just won't degrade myself in proving myself worthy of your bike test for I am Zim and I am all amazing!"

"If you're so amazing how about a challenge?" Dib offered to him.

"What kind of challenge?"

"The Hilll OOOOf Dooooooommmm!" One of the kids screamed in Dib's ear.

"Yeah, that." Dib pointed to the excited kid that screamed the suggestion.

"Alright Dib I accept you challenge! I will be superior!" Zim screamed.

"But I didn't tell you what the challenge was."

"Oh, you didn't."

"Nope." Dib peeped.

"Well, what is this challenge?"

"Beat me down the hill of doom on 4th street, last one to wipe out wins!" Dib said setting up the rules.

"Fine, I'll beat you like you never had a head earth-Monkey!"

"What?"

"Alright after skool then?" Zim offered.

"No, I got Detention for snacking during class before lunch time."

"Oh, then how about Sunday?" Zim suggested.

"Today's Friday can't we do it tomorrow?" Dib questioned him.

"Yeah, yeah sure why not. Saturday at noon at the Hill of Doom! Nothing will stop me from beating you down that hill not even gravity!"

"Umm...Gravity helps."

"You're lying!" Zim shrieked shaking his fist in front of Dib's face.

"You're on Space Boy, there is no way I'm going to lose to an alien riding a human made bike!"

"Dib versus Zim on the Hill of Doom, pass it on!" One of the kid's said. One by one the classmates played telephone with each other spreading the word about there challenge even spreading it to the third graders in Gaz's class.

"Hey, did you hear? Your brother is racing Zim down the Hill of Doom. I hope they both get creamed!"

"You can only hope." Gaz said playing on her Game Slave 2.

After skool, Zim ran home to get himself ready for tomorrow's bike race. When he opened the door he saw Gir on the couch playing the banjo with Minimoose jingling the tambourine.

"I'm a little cowboy! You're a little cowboyy! LETTtTTsss HEhe HEhah Be ALL little Cowboys he heh eheh!Qheh!"

"Gir! Quit you're beautifully hideous song and come with me; I need to know where to get a bike."

"I know! I know!" Gir peeped turning on the T.V. "You get it at Mart-Wall!"

Then the commercial for Mart-Wall came on and Zim watched the smiling happy face dance.

"CHEAP! CHEAP! CHEAP! Get it At Mart-WALL! We GOT Everything You Need To Make Your LIfe A MEaningfull Means of Delightfulnesss! SO HEad on Down, invite the in-laws! They will like you better! JUst Come! I'm Begging You!"

"Hummm...They do make me want to buy stuff. Gir, get your suit on! We are heading out. Oh, and Minimoose?"

"Meh!" Minimoose squeaked.

"Guard the house."

"Meh..." Minimoose sounded disappointed. Zim hooked a leash on Gir and headed down to Mart-Wall. He was surprised to see how huge the store was. He was about to enter the store until the greeter stopped him.

"Hey kid, you know the rules, no dogs allowed!" Zim looked up at the smelly old man blocking his way to the store.

"But I need it!" Zim assisted.

"Are you blind?"

"Oh, yes, yes I am blind!"

"How come you don't have your seeing stick?"

"I lost it, that's what blind men do of course, right?"

"You got me there; okay you can borrow one of the stores seeing stick." The man offered Zim. Zim, who was in character, dropped the cane several times on purpose until Gir picked it up and hand it to him.

"Good Job Gir! Now let's carry on!" Zim said holding the cane up in the air while walking. The man looked at the kid curiously the way he was holding his seeing stick.

"Now where oh where are these bikes?"

"Let's see..." Zim said walking isle by isle reading the signs. "Fish oil, cream cheese, butterscotch, baking soda." Then he bumped into this old man.

"Hey watch where you are going!" The man screamed poking Zim with his stick.

"I can't, I'm blind don't you see!"

"I can't see, I'm bind too."

"Oh," Zim said embarrassed. "Sorry, I'll just be leaving you."

Zim continued his search for the bike until he found them in the toy section. Then he noticed all the dolls, G.I. Jim and toys cars they had in this section.

"These are toys!" Zim said. "Pathetic, a real toy would have the ability to melt your face off!"

"May I help you little boy!" A middle aged woman chirped to Zim with joy.

"Yes, I want that bike right up there!" Zim said pointing to the huge mountain bike hanging from the ceiling.

"Oh, you can't have that bike. That's an adult bike. What you need is a Big-Kid Bike!"

"Big-Kid Bike? Do not mock Zim! I need a bike that will destroy that Dib-monkey! The bigger the bike the better, right?"

"Not if you can't ride it." The Mart-Wall Lady reasoned to Zim.

"Oh, well what do you suggest?" Zim said.

"Why, this one right over there." The Lady led Zim to the perfect bike. It was blue, all shining and it even had its own bell. Zim thought it was perfect.

"I'll take it! How much?"

"Thirty-two dollars." The Lady said.

"Thirty-two dollars, And I thought this store was cheap! The commercial Lied to Zimmmm!" Zim shrieked. The Lady knew he was upset and had to cool him down before her supervisor noticed something amiss.

"How about you look at a different bike, we have one for sale for ten bucks."

"Really?" Zim said.

"Yeah, it's right over there." The Lady pointed to the rusted water damaged red bike.

"The reason why it was on sale was because the breaks are broken. If you can figure how to fix the breaks, it should by fine to ride nothing less."

"I, with my amazing ability, will fix this bike to be the ultimate death machine! Nothing can stand in the way of Zim!"

"That's the spirit!" The Lady said gleefully and rang up the bike. Zim paid for the bike and headed out the store with it. Then the greeter asked for the stick back and Zim threw it at him. Zim pushed the bike back home pleased by his purchase.

"You know, Gir," Zim walking the bike with his doggie companion. "This thing isn't that bad, maybe this will be easy to ride."

"You should try, master!" Gir suggested. "It will be fun!"

"Yeah, let's give it a test ride!" Zim said stopped walking and looked at the bike curiously. "How do you ride it?"

"Let me try!" Gir said jumping on the seat of the bike. He reached his little feet down to the peddles and started peddling it in a circular motion. Gir circled on the bike around Zim.

"Wow, that looks easy!" Zim said. "I want a turn, gimme!"

"Kay!" Gir said stopping the bike in mid air landing it on the concrete. Zim reached on leg over the bike and sat on it. Then he placed both feet on the pedals, Zim fell on the ground with the bike.

"Owwwww! What happen!" Zim whined in pain.

"You forgot to peddle, master!" Gir peeped.

"Okay!" Zim said getting back on the bike again. This time he peddled with both his feet and fell.

"What I do now!" Zim said getting up with the bike ready for another try.

"You forgot to give yourself a boost, here let me help!" Gir peeped sitting on the back of Zim's seat, then Gir activated his jet packs pushing Zim straight through the neighborhood going at least 54 miles per hour!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GIR! GIR! SLOW DOWN! GIR!" Zim screamed holding on the bike for dear life.

"I'm going to let go now!" Gir peeped to him.

"NO GIR! NO DON'T LET GOOOOOO!" Zim screamed.

"I'm Letting go!"

"Nooooooooooo!" Zim screamed as Gir let him go. Zim held on to the bike and peddled with all his might. Zim looked down then up again and became pleased.

"Gir! Gir!" Zim screamed amazed zooming with the speed of 35 miles per hour. "I'm doing it I'm actually riding my bike! This is great!"

Zim looked over at Gir who was flying right beside him at the same speed and smiled at him. Gir smiled back. Zim turned his head forward and saw that he was heading right into their house. The smile on his face turned to pure horror.

"How do you stop this thing?" Zim tried thinking. "What did that Lady-" But before Zim was able to finish his sentence, he rode straight through his fence, the impact from the fence, flew Zim off the bike and he face planted him on the outside of there house.

"Oh, yeah," Gir remembered. "Master, you're supposed to wear a helmet while riding your bike."

"UGGGHHHhhhhhhhhh..." Zim said sliding off the wall.

Meanwhile at Dib's house, Dib was looking through his garage trying to find his bike. Gaz saw this and looked at Dib annoyed.

"Dib, what are you doing racing down the Hill of Doom. Do you even know what you are getting yourself into?" Gaz snapped at him.

"It's just a hill, Gaz. Don't make it sound all sinister. Besides I must do it to prove that he's an alien." Dib said wiping off the cobwebs from his bike he rode when he was eight.

"How is racing Zim down a hill prove that he's an alien?" Gaz questioned her brother.

"I don't know, but I'll work it in somehow." Dib assured his sister.

"Can you even ride your bike?" Gaz wondered to him.

"Of course I can, haven't you heard of that saying?" Dib said to Gaz. Gaz shrugged her shoulders and walked into the living room to watch some T.V. while Dib wiped the dust off his old bike.

Then it was finally Saturday, Zim was able to fix the breaks from his bike and was ready to race Dib down the Hill of Doom. This time he brought a helmet. Zim rode his bike to the location and saw that a lot of kids were awaiting Zim's arrival. Zim waved to the kid's and saw Dib at the top of the hill. Zim pushed his bike up and got on.

"You ready for defeat, Zim!" Dib egged Zim on.

"Never! You should be ready for defeat, Dib-worm!"

"Okay," Zita served as referee. "Whoever reaches the end of the hill first without crashing win this race. On your mark..."

Zim looked down at the hill and saw that it was a least fifteen feet high. Zim squealed in horror.

"Get set..."

"A little nervous are we?" Dib said.

"Yeah, I mean look at that hill!" Zim shrieked. Dib looked down and squealed at the height as well.

"GO!"

Zim and Dib pushed their bikes and peddled down the hill as fast as they could.

"You will never defeat me, Zim! Once I beat you, you will be expose you as the rotten alien menace that you are!"

Dib said passing by Zim.

"Not if I could help it!" Zim said pulling a cord from the seat of his bike. He had a booster ready for the occasion when Dib actually passed him. Zim pulled the cord and the booster went off pushing Zim in the league.

"No fair! You can't use rocket boosters! That's against the rules!" Dib shrieked.

"There's nothing in the rules against it! Bye, Dib! Victory for Zim!" Zim screamed then turned his head and saw he was about to run into a passing car. Zim turned around the car making his booster fade out. Zim was back at regular speed with Dib hot on his trail.

"I won't lose to a cheating alien!" Dib screamed.

"Grrrr!" Zim grumbled and peddled to keep himself in first place. Then Dib came beside his right, Zim saw him and Dib stick out his tongue in ridicule.

"You Dib-stink! I'll never lose to you!" Zim peddled as hard as he could until the chain snapped off his bike. Zim felt this and knew he was in trouble for his bike can only break when he peddled backwards. He knew what danger he was facing and tried to peddle backwards to stop.

"Ah ha hah ha hah ha!" Dib laughed watching him struggle with his breaks. Then Dib felt a big thump making the first half of his bike shorter. He looked at his front wheel and saw that it was gone. Dib began to panic as well. Dib tried for the breaks and felt that it was not working fast enough to stop.

"!" Zim and Dib both screamed as they zoomed down the hill. They lost control of their bikes, fell off and rolled down the hill the rest of the way. Both Dib and Zim were covered in scrapes and bruises.

They both got off the ground, Zim holding his right arm in pain as Dib looked at the gash on his elbow.

"So..."Zim said. "I win!"

"How did you win when we both wipe-out at the same time?"

"Indeed I did! I proved that I was human by riding this bike even though I failed. So that's how I won and now look at you all covered in bruises and defeat."

"Look at you; you're covered in bruises too!" Dib pointed out to Zim.

"A minor flaw to my plan but it was worth it! Ha, Victory for Zim!" Zim smiled, walking off with what was left of his bike. "Good bye, Dib! I hope you enjoy your ointment bath!"

"You Jerk!" Dib screamed at him to serve for his last clever remark.

The End


End file.
